You Don’t Ask, You Don’t Get
By Rae Ellen Douglas (RED)
By far, this is one of my favorite mottos. I may have taught it to my kids a little sooner than I wish I had, none the less, it could not be any truer, yet it remains a huge stumbling block for some. Like saying “yes” to opportunities, as featured in my last article, asking for something is a muscle that can be flexed and strengthened like any other. My ability to ask for things did not come from some vat of self-confidence so much as it did the desire to get what I needed.
After being accepted to transfer to Denison from community college, I was left to figure out how to finance my education. I knew that some colleges had resident hall advisors in exchange for room and board. On this idea, I called Denison and asked to speak to the leader of Resident Life. After a few transfers, I was speaking to the right person. “Hello” I said. “My name is Rae Ellen and I am wondering if you’re looking for resident hall advisors?” “Well, that role is normally for someone who is an upper classman who has already been part of the campus, but coincidentally, one of the advisors for the upcoming year just shared that they aren’t coming back this fall for family reasons.” Bingo. I had my chance. We spoke for the better part of two hours about my life experiences, leadership responsibilities, how I would handle hypothetical situations, and what the role entailed. By the end of the call, I had the opportunity to be an advisor in exchange for my room and board. And just like that, I had one major obstacle out of the way.
After graduating, I thought I might be interested in exploring a career in fashion. I had mailed a letter (there was no email at the time, can you imagine?) to Marshall Hood, Columbus Dispatch fashion writer at the time, but got no response. Then one day, I was walking in downtown Columbus, and I saw Marshall on the street. This is my chance, I thought.
I took a deep breath and walked up to him. “Mr. Hood? My name is Rae Ellen Douglas” I said. “I am very interested in the fashion industry and would really appreciate the opportunity to talk with you about the industry, your insights, and any advice you might be willing to give.” He looked at me and did not say anything for a while, I remember. And then he said, “Sure, here is my business card. Call me and I’ll be happy to share what I know.” We had a meeting the following week and what came next was totally unexpected and perhaps the best part. When we met, he said this, “If you can provide your own way to and from NYC, and your hotel arrangements, I will get you on every guest list for Fashion Week.” Yes, THE Fall Fashion Week. Flash forward, and there I was, watching the runway shows of every major designer at the time and trying not to gawk at all of the celebrities to my left and right. All because I found the courage to walk up to Marshall on the street that day and make the ask.
Another example: I wanted to go to Europe, but alas I did not have a passport. So what did I naively do? I bought a flight to Chicago, where processing could be expedited at the time. I gave myself five hours on the ground in Chicago to get my passport, before my return flight to Columbus where I would catch my flight to Europe at 6PM that night. Surely that would be plenty of time, right? It couldn’t possibly take more than FIVE hours to get where I needed to go, get in line, get the passport, and catch my flight back to Columbus! Five hours seemed plenty!
Upon landing in Chicago, it became clear that this was my gross misunderstanding of the process. So rather than pack up and go home, here is what I did: I explained (quickly!) to everyone I met what I had set out to do. They laughed in disbelief and then….they helped me. The taxi driver, people in lines, people waiting on taxis, airline attendants, everyone was willing to help if I ASKED. (Okay, begged.) And, believe it or not, that night, I was on my flight to Europe!
In business, I have made the ask more times than I can count. Do I always win? No. Do I remember the times I didn’t win? No, I don’t. (It helps to develop selective amnesia.) I just move on to the next one, eager to stick my neck out, make another ask, create an opportunity, and sometimes even get MORE than you originally asked for, like tickets to Fall Fashion Week!